Even when health or safety becomes a concern, many older adults resist the idea of leaving home. But most homes aren’t built to support aging safely. In fact, only about 10% in the U.S. are considered “aging-ready,” with features like step-free entryways and accessible bathrooms.
In a historic city like New Orleans, where many homes are older and full of charm but short on accessibility, that number may be even lower.
That’s why it’s so important to talk openly with your parents before a crisis forces a quick decision. This guide walks you through the most important questions to ask parents to make eldercare conversations less stressful.
Should I Talk to My Parent About Assisted Living and How So?
This is one of the most common questions adult children ask is, and the short answer is yes. Having an eldercare conversation early helps everyone feel more prepared and less overwhelmed.
But knowing how to talk about it matters just as much.
Before you bring it up, take some time to think about what concerns you. Maybe your parent is falling more often or forgetting things that worry you. Write down what you’ve noticed so you can talk calmly and clearly.
Pick a quiet time to talk when you won’t be rushed. Make sure your parent feels safe and relaxed. Consider starting with something like, “I’ve been thinking about how to make sure you stay safe and happy as you get older.”
Use “I” statements so it doesn’t feel like blame. For example, “I’m worried about you living alone“ instead of “You can’t live alone anymore.“
Listen more than you talk. This is a big topic, and your parent might need time to share how they feel. Let them know you care about their wishes and want to find the best plan together.
Keep in mind that you don’t need to figure everything out in one day. Bringing up the conversation is the first step. Once the door is open, you can gradually start asking the senior care planning questions that matter most.
Start with Health and Daily Needs
Your parents’ health and daily routine indicate the clearest signs where extra support might be helpful.
Still, it’s important to know that many older adults don’t always share what they’re struggling with. They might be afraid of losing their independence, or they might not want to feel like a burden to the family. That’s why this part of the talk needs patience and care.
Try to stay calm and focused as you listen. Your parent might share things that surprise or worry you. But if you show stress or frustration, they may shut down or hold back. When you stay steady and supportive, you give them space to speak honestly.
This is also a good time to start noticing signs of memory care readiness. The goal is to get a full picture of current health:
- How are you managing your daily activities, like cooking and bathing?
- Do you ever feel unsteady or unsafe at home?
- Have you had any recent falls or health scares?
- Are you remembering to take your medications each day?
- Have you seen your doctor lately, and do you feel like your care plan is working?
- Are you eating well and sleeping okay?
- Is anything in your daily routine starting to feel harder than it used to?
Check on Emotional Health and Social Life
Health isn’t just about the body. It’s also about how your parent feels day to day. Feeling lonely, bored, or anxious can have a big impact on overall well-being. When people stop doing the things they enjoy or pull away from others, it’s often a sign that something needs to change.
Pay attention to how they talk about their day-to-day:
- Do you feel lonely or bored during the day?
- Are there things you used to enjoy that you no longer do?
- Do you feel like you have enough chances to talk with friends or spend time with others?
- Have you been feeling down or more anxious lately?
- Are you ever unsure about what day it is or how to get where you’re going?
- Would you enjoy being in a community with more activities or social time?
Talk About Lifestyle and Daily Preferences
Not every senior care option feels the same. Some people want quiet and privacy while others want activity and connection. That’s why it’s important to talk with your parent about what kind of lifestyle they picture for this next chapter.
Start by asking what makes them feel comfortable and at peace. Talking about these things helps you both picture what “home” should feel like. It also helps you match their preferences with the right community.
Social connection can make a huge difference, as being around others can bring joy and boost mental health.
When choosing assisted living, the goal is to find a community where your parent can feel supported and still enjoy the things they love:
- What does a comfortable living space look like to you?
- Would you rather have quiet time or join in group activities?
- What kind of food do you enjoy most each day?
- Do you like to have a set routine or keep things flexible?
- What hobbies or pastimes would you like to keep doing?
- Would you enjoy taking part in things like art classes or walking groups?
Questions to Ask Parents Before Choosing Senior Care
While talking with your parent about senior care isn’t always easy, asking the right questions can make it feel less overwhelming. Plus, focusing on their needs and involving them in the process helps them feel both supported and in control.
Remember, these questions to ask parents before choosing assisted living or memory care are meant to open the door — not pressure them.
At SummerHouse Vista Shores in New Orleans, we’re here to help guide your family through every step. Our beautiful community sits along Bayou St. John, offering peaceful water views and easy access to the culture and charm of the city.
Whether you’re just starting the conversation or ready to explore care options, we invite you to come see what makes SummerHouse Vista Shores feel like home.
